Samadhi Sometimes

“SAMADHI: Blissful absorption of one's individual consciousness in the essence of God.”

In yoga last week, we were doing one of those restorative poses I love so much, and the instructor put on an album with a long monologue about some guy’s experience encountering his true self. It was kind of quacky, and I settled into to my pose, guns loaded, ready to judge. The voice was American and there was new-age music in the background – the only way to be more of a yuppie would be if you were the one actually listening to something like that. Anyway, something he said resonated with me. I found it interesting that only sometimes could he “achieve” this inner-awareness he was looking for.

Yeah………what’s with that?

I don’t know much about inner-awareness or whatever (though that may just be semantics), but I feel that way all the time. Why do only sometimes my prayers bring me relief, clarity and joy? Why do only sometimes friendships work out even though both parties love each other so deeply that they can feel every scar on the other’s heart? Why do only sometimes dreams come true, despite equal passion and wholesome intention?

In the monologue, he questions why this figurative lightening bolt of wisdom and insight struck his mind and when it did, why he was so uncomfortable and even fearful – especially when the insight and deep truth was something he’d longed for his whole life.

He concludes that when the moment came he wasn’t ready, but then vows to ready himself (a la meditation) so that he will be able to tap into this insight, which isn’t really a lightening bolt, but rather is continuously present and available.

But the thing is, even if he was responsible for not having tapped into this current of true-self or having "slowed down enough to permit love and joy to well up in his heart", as he says, and even if the blame is just lack of experience, he still has always wanted it – so why couldn’t he find it? Or even now, why does it come to him so sporadically and without his control?

I used to attend a very strange church. Before going there, I had never seen people who so outwardly and clearly (though intentionally) displayed their desire to worship even to the point of tears – regularly. Like many charismatic religious groups, the congregation worshipped with music and prayer moving their bodies, eyes closed, jumping, or spinning, or down on their knees all together in a somewhat chaotic makeshift sanctuary. One time, I heard a senior member of the hierarchy explain why people closed their eyes and stretched their hands out in worship. "They close their eyes," he said, "because they're so desperate to feel God’s presence."

I think that Yogi is that kind of desperate and I hope he gets what he’s looking for.